Ending a relationship is never easy: using TLC, grace, compassion

Ending a relationship is never easy: using TLC, grace, compassion and kindness is your best bet

We all know that ending a relationship can be one of the most difficult events and also one of the most common we face. Teens go through breakups on a weekly or monthly basis. It's hard, but that's what gains you experience in the end. As we get more experience in relationships, we learn to see those red flags and start making better choices in who we really want to invest time with in a relationship. Unfortunately, this school of hard knocks can persist well into adulthood.

Nevertheless, the knowledge we gain never seems to make ending a relationship any easier. Just different baggage. However, when you stop to analyze each situation which you're never in a good emotional position to do at the time you're in the midst of breaking up a relationship you'll find there are always certain commonalities.

A breakup is typically immediately preceded by a fight. When you think about it, the fight is usually precipitated by something you've fought about before. This one is just the last straw. Maybe your mate is overly critical, jealous, insensitive, always flirting, a frequent no-show or whatever. While the topics of the fights don't change, you always hope you'll be the one to change the person, for the better, in a way that suits you. Conversely, your partner thinks the very same thing. Nine times out of ten, this never works. People in relationships always have differences, but you've got to learn to recognize the show stoppers and accept that it's unlikely you're going to change basic personality characteristics.

That said, ending a relationship with these characteristics is better done sooner than later. You'll both be better off.

If you haven't made this inspection of your past and current relationships, but have now reached that point of no return, understand that making a messy and harsh departure is both unnecessary and harmful to both of you. You're best off ending a relationship that's irretrievable on a gracious note. Sure, you're not going to be in the mood for niceties after a big, knock-down, drag-out fight. Give yourself some time to cool off and get rational. Take your time and be honest with yourself. If it's not going to work out, that's the way it goes. Cut your losses and take the high road when you next speak to your soon-to-be ex.

Be calm. Don't say things to deliberately hurt, or exact revenge. Let the person know that you find many positive qualities in them. You wouldn't have been in the relationship at all if that weren't true, right? At the same time, let them know that, much as you would have liked things to work out, you respect their individuality and know that you can't reconcile the points that you can't get behind. You're an individual too.

Expect that this person might beg you to reconsider. I'll change! You can let them know that you don't expect them to compromise themselves to please you. If you know in your heart that you and they are not to be, stick to your guns. Be kind and compassionate, for the betterment of your collective emotional well being.

Ending a relationship isn't easy, but sometimes it's the best you can do. Say, Fare thee well and move on.